Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Single-ness

Soooo life now. I've gone through 4yrs undergrad, got 2 bachelors. I went to law school and got my JD. Took the bar and finally passed.  I received my license to practice law, was sworn in as an Attorney in North Carolina all within the past few weeks..Andddd the main question asked by the majority of my family is "So when are you getting married???" My only thought= REALLY????  It's not just even family- friends, former coworkers/bosses, etc all are like 'soo when are you going to settle down and meet someone serious?" (not that Im all getting around but the fact I've been single for so long).

I feel like with my cultural background (one of 3 members of my family/extended fam that was born and raised in the US, everyone else came from India abt 20yrs ago), it's a touchy subject.  Typically, with old school Indian people (at least with my parents/extended family), a person really hasn't succeeded in life until they are married with a family.  I can't even make this up-- a few years ago, a couple of my cousins got married (not to each other but to 2 other people) and my mom was crying at their pre-wedding events here in the US before we all went to india for the actual weddings and I asked her why she was so upset b/c its a happy time/wedding/etc and she was like 'im just really sad (see: jealous) that none of my kids are married." SERIOUSLY.  And that was about 3 years ago...I just dont understand, how many mothers can say that all THREE of her children have multiple degrees/doctorates and careers/paths other than some medial job that any high school graduate can do??? It's like in Indian families, nothing you can do is enough or 'successful' in the older/traditional people's eyes unless you are married.  I am 26 and have 3 degrees (one of which is a doctorate degree) and it's still not enough for my family because I am single..It's even gotten to the point where the day after I became licensed to practice law, my mom pushed me to make my biodata (to put it bluntly, a marriage resume) and she started to send it to extended family in case they knew of any eligible men in my age range.  To appease my mom, I made the dreaded shaadi.com account and for good measure, I reactivated my match.com account I made a few years back (ughh more on that later).  It's so crazy because it was never talked about (dating/etc) but now my mom is all like 'so have you met anyone yet?" I cannot even describe some of the crazies that have emailed me from both that I'm on the verge of losing my parents' money (you better believe I made them pay for those accounts) and deactivating it all!

I used to be ashamed of the fact that I've been single for so long and always show up to events without utilizing my "plus 1" or whatever.  Now, I love it! Not that there is anything wrong with being married/having a family because so many of my friends and sorority sisters are married/have families because I love celebrating all of life's important events with them (umm hellooo, who doesnt love a wedding where you can get away w having a good cry in public or buying baby shower gifts or gawking over someone's dress or even their wedding website!!!)! I love doing all of those things and I love all of my friends so much I wouldn't think of not celebrating such events with them! I find myself so lucky that I have people in my life that WANT me around for the big days in their life! I know I will have them by my side too for the important milestones in my life (for example, my best friend her husband and her not even yr old baby girl drove the 6+hrs for my law school graduation!!!)!

I guess, I've come to the point where I am truly happy with the place I'm in right now with life.  Even though I don't quite have a job yet or know what Im doing with the rest of my life, I at least know that there is some direction and that is forward.  The past year and half even that was uncertain and so my confidence level plummeted and I hardly recognized myself from 2010 manisha to present day manisha. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that it's not the end of the world (no matter how much my mom/family presses the issue) that I am single/unmarried no matter what other people say.  I honestly love it.  I am far too selfish at this point in my life to even think of someone else first for even 50% of time haha. Seriously.  I have no business being in a relationship right now and I wish my family would realize that (um fat chance with my big/loud/sometimes obnoxious extended indian family).  I have enough to worry about with  my baby Rusty (new pictures belowww).

ANYways, my point is, there is a lot of pressure to get married and settle down now that I am pretty much done with all educational avenues and am licensed, etc.  I am in a good place and working on liking myself again (if youve read this blog since July 2011, you probs know I haven't been very nice to  myself at all) and working on being a confidant professional woman.  If I happen to meet someone, then great but if not, I am totally ok with that!!! Not gunna lie though, I did find this tumblr a few wks ago (http://beautifulindianbrides.tumblr.com) and I became pretty much obsessed with those wedding videos.  After spending like 4 hrs watching them one day few wks ago, I decided that IF (and that is a BIG IF) I ever get married, I am totally eloping.  I will call my mom from the airport on my way to wherever I am going (hopefully hawaii hahahahah) and then having a big party after the fact with all of my family and friends. end of story. hahaha (that's a lot of planning for someone not looking to get married in the foreseeable future, I know).


OK SO MORAL OF THE STORY: BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME NOT SUCKY AND BEING MARRIED IS GREAT TOO IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT!!!


ALSO, THIS TUMBLR IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE AND I LOVE IT: http://myfriendsaremarried.tumblr.com

So Friends, what is/are your thoughts on the single life and if you are one of my many amazing married friends, thoughts on the transition from single life to married life/familial pressures?!?!!



xoxoManisha

4 comments:

  1. So I'm totes the opposite. I'm like the only one in my year and pledge class who is married. It sucks because no one really understands what married life is like. Enjoy being single! And did none of the good ones from Shaadi message you back? We need to work on that.

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    1. Ahh sorry it has taken me so reply to your comments, I literally just saw them a couple days ago!
      Lisa- It's crazy to think of being in the opposite situation, I never looked at it that way. I am totally enjoying being single but I guess sometimes the loneliness gets to me but not like it's anything new! I got a handful of the replies frm shaadi but after emailing with some of those guys, I realized I am not like ready for "marriage" like everyone on there is so I 'hid' my account for the time being.

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  2. I am so with you. Thats why the majority of my 20s I was single- and for the most part I loved it.
    Im just now as I edge closer to 30 in a serious relationship. The majority of my close college friends are married at this point and have been for years. Its been hard at times, but Id much rather still be single than like the first of my friends who got married (who hadnt been as an adult since shed been with her husband since high school) and is now on her way to divorce.
    Enjoy doing exactly and only what you want while you can. The compromise thing can be trying at times!! lol.

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    Replies
    1. Im so glad someone else experienced the same thing I am right now. I love being single right now, especially as I am trying to figure myself out and what I really want to do with my life. I feel like if I was in a (srs) relationship right now, this would be so much more difficult. I love the fact that right now, other than my puppy, I don't have to take into account someone else for the decisions I make about life--maybe that's being selfish but why not. I guess this is the perfect time for that!! It's just so crazy because more and more family members my age are getting married/engaged (the latest= a cousin who went to India in end of Sept w his parents and met over 50 girls/potential wives and just got engaged/court married yesterday to a girl he met a few wks ago).

      Delete

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