Friday, June 1, 2012

Now What?

SO the last few months have been absolutely bananas for me... I've kinda been taking the past 2 mos to figure out what I want to do w my life... most ppl close to me knw that I didn't pass the bar again this past February.. naturally this was an extremely demoralizing and frustrating roadblock in life.  I have pretty much had this goal to be a lawyer since I was 14 and I feel like I am so close but I just cant figure out how to pass this ridiculous exam.  I initially didn't want to take the bar for the third time this july because my heart just isn't in it anymore but my parents really pressured me to do so but I can only imagine what they've been thinking.  I feel like this has pretty much cemented my position as the black sheep in the family... my dad even went as far as telling my mom to make me a account and find me a husband by the end of the summer. so yeah. life isn't looking too up lately.. I took a lot of time to just think of what I wanted to do with my life because I am j tired of being so dependent on my parents.  Ive already spent the past year relying on them for everything and it's so hard when I have to be supported by my parents at age 26 and with 3 (useless?) degrees, one being a doctorate.  I don't want to go into all the frustrations right now because it's no ones business but my own.  WELL, long story short, I signed up to take the bar exam for the third time this July.  I feel like I have been going through the motions of studying and doing practice problems/essays but my head/heart just isn't in it... hopefully this will change and something miraculous will happen and I will pass the bar this july! it's hard to sstay positive at this point but really, its like what do I have left to lose?! 

my thoughts on not passing the bar (again):

As for the job front, I am almost 100% sure i want to move back to VA by the end of the year.. the hard part is  actually finding a good paying job in VA somewhere desirable and then thinking abt moving all my crap frm this place ive lived for 4+ yrs already gives me anxiety!!!  I've been applying to a ton of Federal and Virginia State jobs so we'll see what happens.  At this point, Im j trying to stay focused and do everything in my power to hopefully pass in July..

Ill end this post w this quote by Martin Luther King, Jr that I discovered last fall-- I feel like this is my life mantra. No matter what happens, whatever place I am in, I need to remember to keep moving forward and not look backward to things that happened in the past.  I need to move forward with life in every thing that I do.

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

oooh and some pictures frm the past few months :)

my adorable rusty!

that face!

sleeepy doggy! 

only time he'll go near my dad is if he has treats hahah


afternoon at the dog park!

Rusty's first time meeting my brother!

a Hokie& Wolfpack at PriPri's graduation!

All the cousins (+2 spouses) on my mom's side (minus2) at Pri's grad frm NC State

Rusty graduated from training classes!! I love my little graduate!!!1

Went to Detroit for a hot sec to see Dr. Dre!!!!! I missed him so much!!

my sister loves Dr Dre now!

what a cutie!

Rusty found a new hangout (the top of the chaise)!

OOOH I forgot to update abt my half marathon on May 20th!! WELL, I finished so thats good but I didnt think I PRed but the other day I got an email frm the Race Chair saying that they had complaints frm ppl that the course was more than 13.1 miles and so I was like wtf and so they re-measured it and it actually was more than 13.1 miles and they are getting the official ppl to come and remeasure/recertify the course so in a few weeks they are going to adjust everyone's times for 13.1 miles and then email it out soooo I am pretty sure I PR'ed in that situation b/c my time originally was about 30 secs off frm PRing soooo YAY!

ANYWAYS. Ill probs be back w to this blog sporadically throughout the summer b/c once again, i have that gd bar exam to focus on....


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