Tuesday, July 3, 2012

One Month Later..

Soooo a lot has gone on this past month... I feel like thats how I start every post lately!!

ANYWAYS. So yeah, June. Pretty much sucked. A big one.

So I wrote my last post in the wee hrs of June 1 (a Saturday) and one of my friend's from college was visiting me that wkend b/c I hadn't seen her since homecoming at Virginia Tech last October.  WELL, we had a fun Saturday and Rusty went bananas while we were out to lunch and then meandering through Friendly Center for the afternoon.  We then spent the evening doing typical girl things by drinking wine and watching movies. well.. we went to bed around 1 am and about 30 mins after I got in my bed (still awake), my mom calls me crying saying that my grandma (who lived w my aunt in Concord) fell in the bathroom and wasnt breathing.  I told her I can tell my friend and leave right away (they live about 2 hrs frm my aunt's house and Im about 1hr away) and she said no to wait and shed call me if there are any updates.  Well, around 2am I got word that my grandmother passed away after a sudden and VERYY unexpected heart attack on June 2.  This shook all of us because she was the last grandparent left for my brother sister and I and my mom was incredibly close with her (mom).  She had NO health problems when everyone in my family (on both sides) has something going on (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc).. My mom and grandma were only 17 years apart and my mom and her sis are 13ish years apart so it definitely hit everyone really hard.   I ended up leaving my house around 3am-ish to get to my aunt's house and my brother had already bought tickets to come down from Detroit within 30 mins of me calling him crying about what just happened...My sister was already at my aunt's house when all of us got there.. I tried to keep everything in and stay strong for my mom but I had Rusty with me so it was definitely hard keeping him calm in a new place while everyone was so upset. I think he helped my mom a little because he made her smile at the very least.

I ended up driving to Danville that Sunday morning around 7-8am after my uncle and his family got to concord after driving all night from Baltimore.  I went to danville to get all of our funeral clothes, which was depressing enough because the last time I had to do the same was when my grandfather (grandma's husband) died in 2008 (almost 4 yrs and 3 mos to the day, kinda weird).  I was such a mess I couldnt even function because I j kept everything in when I was at my aunt's house... the drive in and of itself was miserable b/c I was exhausted from no sleep and crying practically the entire 2 hrs to danville, i had to stop on the side of the highway 2x to collect myself and wake up on top of everything else.

So Sunday June 2 was arguably one of the worst days of life. Ever.  I went back to my house that night because I decided it would be best to board Rusty the entire week so I can spend time with my mom because I didn't want to leave her side.  I know that she was another mother-figure for my aunt and my aunt was/is devastated so my mom and I stayed in Concord for the entire week after the funeral (I cant, I will cry just thinking about it..).

I ended up missing one of my dear sorority sister's wedding because of everything that happened (w Hinduism, there's typically a 13 day mourning period where you traditionally dont cook, wear bright colors, go to any events/celebrations/etc).. so that was unfortunate as well.. on the 10th-13th days after a family member dies, the oldest son of said family member does different (and v. intense/extensive) pujas so ensure the member's soul continues on with their next life, etc because technically their soul is still around us watching/observing us during this time..
So my uncle's wife ended up deciding to do all 4 days' pujas in one day on the 13th day after my grandma died (so on June 15) so my mom sister and I (daddy was on call so he couldnt leave the d-vegas) went to Baltimore because everything was at my uncle's house.. that wkend was an experience but I refuse to delve into that in a public forum... the one good thing that has been going on though is that after years of fighting/drama within the family, all of my cousins on my mom's side are starting to hang out and spend time together so that is good.

ANYWAYS. Everything that has been going on has been keeping my mind occupied and I guess you're asking "Wait a hot second, aren't you taking the bar exam again in July?" well yes, yes I am.  That is another thing-- I have been so unfocused the 3 weeks after the funeral I just want to spend time with my family.  I know it'll just make me crazy but I have these constant thoughts that I may wake up tomorrow and my mom or my dad or one of my siblings may not and what if I didn't spend as much time with them as possible.  My parents especially because they have a lot of health issues and my dad is ALWAYS under constant stress from his work (ironically he's a psychiatrist).  So lately, ALL I've wanted to do is say FUCK the bar exam, I'll pass it one day but maybe this is not it, and I jsut want to spend time with my parents and family.. BUt then my mom reminded me how much my grandma bragged about me being the only lawyer in the family to others (idk if she realized that I'm not a real lawyer, I j graduated from law school) and so it's important to stay focused on the bar exam and pass.

Sooo, thats what I'm trying to do.  The past month has been pretty miserable. But I decided to try something different and my former boss set me up with a friend who has been tutoring for the bar exam for 20+ years so Im hoping/praying that this is going to finally push me over the edge from where Ive been to finally passing.  What's ironic of this all is after this last year, I can't even imagine myself practicing law/using my bar license.  Im sure this is just my defense mechanism because Ive been so crushed career-wise this past year and I;ll def be thinking something different the day I pass hah!

ANYways. There's my life update. I miss my grandma. I love my family. I will pass the bar exam (one day).

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my grandma+family:

My grandparents, mom &I
 (from my HS graduation party 2004 ) 
Me,  momma, sister, and Baa at my cousin's wedding garba
 (January 2010)
My masi's family w my sis and I on July 4, 2010 at Ashville Zoo
(July 4th is also my masi's bday!!)
and yes, we're all wearing matching flag tshirts frm old navy:)
We love the USA!
July 4, 2010 at Ashville Zoo (isnt she adorable?!) 
Me and Baa
(Thanksgiving 2010)
Brother & Baa
(Thanksgiving 2010)
Christmas 2010- Baa and her new snuggie:)
We got her a new fleece coat too because she always got cold haha!
Baa and her kids:)
(I hadn't seen Baa look this happy in YEARS) 
My mom's uncle had this picture made for the funeral, for all of us to keep in our houses.
RIP Baa. Love you.


1 comment:

  1. I love you, Manisha! So sorry about your grandma.


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